Saturday, February 18, 2012 after this few month.. i move on with my life.. i cant spend my life waiting for people who dont care for me..u ask me iszit too late for us.. my answer is yes.. i am to depressed and too tired to care for u anymore.. move on.. ur life will be better without me..
written at 7:37 PM
Thursday, November 17, 2011 what to do when a spouse is depressed
mort story for today:
Are you depressed? Is your spouse depressed? Do one of you THINK the other is depressed?
I recently had a series of phone sessions with a woman named Regina (name changed) who lives in Canada. I asked Regina what her husband thinks is the problem with their marriage. She explained, “Ted says that the problem with our marriage is that I’m depressed. He thinks if I wasn’t depressed, we’d be fine. And so it’s up to me.”
It IS common for depression to accompany marital strife. But what causes one spouse to be depressed?
In marriage, although depression is something that may inflict only one spouse; it’s usually caused by BOTH spouses. In order to understand what I mean, let’s consider what it REALLY means to be depressed.
Regina’s husband had good reason to think that Regina was depressed. She threatened suicide, had the habit of breaking $200 china against the $5000 breakfront, sometimes cut the laundry with scissors rather than folding it neatly, and would break down in tears for no apparent reason. The interesting thing is (are you ready?): Regina ONLY did these things in front of her husband!
No one other than her husband ever heard Regina threaten suicide or see her break down in tears. Her husband never came home to find china pieces or shredded laundry on the floor. It ALL happened in front of him! And (listen carefully and try to put the pieces together), it always happened after they talked.
There’s much more to Regina’s circumstances, but here’s the bottom line. Regina was desperate for her husband’s attention. She wanted to make an EMOTIONAL connection. She wanted him to be part of her inner life. But Ted couldn’t connect with Regina. He didn’t know how to make her feel understood. He didn’t know how to treat her special, different than everyone else in his life. Ted wasn’t a bad person. He didn’t do anything wrong. He rarely got upset. But he was very controlled and detached. And so Regina had all this emotion PRESSED DOWN inside her but no one to share it with. Ted was there, but emotionally unavailable.
Regina’s outbursts were her way of trying to get Ted’s attention. She just wanted him to care about her and what she did. So she did things he simply couldn’t ignore. Of course, this is not really the kind of attention Regina wanted. But she was frustrated and was trying to release what was PRESSED inside her.
When one person in a marriage is depressed, it’s usually caused by a marital dynamic between BOTH spouses. And the solution is usually a MARITAL solution not an individual one.
If you or your spouse feels depressed, you should explore how your relationship might be causing the depression. As much as one of you might want the other to get INDIVIDUAL help, it could be that it’s your MARRIAGE that needs attention.
Are you depressed? Is your spouse depressed? Do one of you THINK the other is depressed?
I recently had a series of phone sessions with a woman named Regina (name changed) who lives in Canada. I asked Regina what her husband thinks is the problem with their marriage. She explained, “Ted says that the problem with our marriage is that I’m depressed. He thinks if I wasn’t depressed, we’d be fine. And so it’s up to me.”
It IS common for depression to accompany marital strife. But what causes one spouse to be depressed?
In marriage, although depression is something that may inflict only one spouse; it’s usually caused by BOTH spouses. In order to understand what I mean, let’s consider what it REALLY means to be depressed.
Regina’s husband had good reason to think that Regina was depressed. She threatened suicide, had the habit of breaking $200 china against the $5000 breakfront, sometimes cut the laundry with scissors rather than folding it neatly, and would break down in tears for no apparent reason. The interesting thing is (are you ready?): Regina ONLY did these things in front of her husband!
No one other than her husband ever heard Regina threaten suicide or see her break down in tears. Her husband never came home to find china pieces or shredded laundry on the floor. It ALL happened in front of him! And (listen carefully and try to put the pieces together), it always happened after they talked.
There’s much more to Regina’s circumstances, but here’s the bottom line. Regina was desperate for her husband’s attention. She wanted to make an EMOTIONAL connection. She wanted him to be part of her inner life. But Ted couldn’t connect with Regina. He didn’t know how to make her feel understood. He didn’t know how to treat her special, different than everyone else in his life. Ted wasn’t a bad person. He didn’t do anything wrong. He rarely got upset. But he was very controlled and detached. And so Regina had all this emotion PRESSED DOWN inside her but no one to share it with. Ted was there, but emotionally unavailable.
Regina’s outbursts were her way of trying to get Ted’s attention. She just wanted him to care about her and what she did. So she did things he simply couldn’t ignore. Of course, this is not really the kind of attention Regina wanted. But she was frustrated and was trying to release what was PRESSED inside her.
When one person in a marriage is depressed, it’s usually caused by a marital dynamic between BOTH spouses. And the solution is usually a MARITAL solution not an individual one.
If you or your spouse feels depressed, you should explore how your relationship might be causing the depression. As much as one of you might want the other to get INDIVIDUAL help, it could be that it’s your MARRIAGE that needs attention.
written at 10:07 PM
Wednesday, November 16, 2011 deep inside of me
deep inside i felt miserable its been a month already.. i am trying so hard to change i am..changing one within itself is difficult but i am still trying still holding on to it.been trying to find a job looking for the suitable one.. but what does suitable mean i think about it again nothing is suitable until you are willing to accept it.i am growing day after day.it still hurt so deep if i keep thinking about the unhappiness i keep telling myself that i should think about the happiness. the happy times we spend today before.i remember everything you did.. remember when i was still studying ,you took time to revised my English with me my oral day after day of revision.after secondary i when ite. the phone call we had almost everyday for years ,then the webcam i remember i was so nervous didnt even dare to go on it.our first meet.first hug first kiss after that was intership the dark eyes you always have waiting for me to go home reach home safe after work.the late night chat.and we got together after 3 years we got married spending time with your family.is good to spend time with family.i wanted us to have more space for our self.i couldnt took the stress.sometime rethink again i might be wanting to much.but deep inside the me that still love you is still there.
written at 10:11 PM
Monday, November 14, 2011 IT'S REALLY VERY SIMPLE...NOT EASY, BUT SIMPLE
Mort today advice is Everyone has problems, issues, and challenges in their marriage. Yours
may even be severe. And you will no doubt face a variety of problems
over the years.
You might think that for each new problem, you need a new solution. But you don't!THE SOLUTION IS ALWAYS THE SAME.
The ultimate answer to every problem is the same—love. LOVE IS THE FOUNDATION OF YOUR MARRIAGE, and all marital problems stem from a lack of it. Got a problem? You don't need a solution. You need more love. LOVE IS YOUR SOLUTION!Sound hokey? I know it does. Think about it though. Remember when you fell in love? What problems did you have then? Hardly any, right? Because you had love!
You know that little thing your spouse does with their eye brow or the corner of their mouth? Remember how you used to think it was so cute? Then one day it became annoying, right? Why? Your spouse used to be thrifty and now your spouse is cheap. WHAT CHANGED? Your love changed—that's what changed! And the solution to that annoying problem (and all your problems!) is to rebuild your love.
The problem in most marriages is the way the couple (and sometimes the counselor) sees the problem. If you see your problems as the problem; that's your problem.
My solution is for them to institute a series of positive relationship habits that slowly but surely builds a new foundation for their marriage.
Fixing problems and developing communication skills can lead to small incremental changes in your marriage. But if you want to transform your marriage, if you want to make a quantum change, you have to implement a pattern of new relationship habits. You have to create love.
People get all bogged down in the negativity of trying to solve their problems. It's no fun and it's not productive. The crucial question in marriage is NOT how to solve your problems; it's how to create love.
Your problems probably seem complex. But the good news is that the solutions are simple.
Focus on building your love. That will solve ALL your problems.
You might think that for each new problem, you need a new solution. But you don't!THE SOLUTION IS ALWAYS THE SAME.
The ultimate answer to every problem is the same—love. LOVE IS THE FOUNDATION OF YOUR MARRIAGE, and all marital problems stem from a lack of it. Got a problem? You don't need a solution. You need more love. LOVE IS YOUR SOLUTION!Sound hokey? I know it does. Think about it though. Remember when you fell in love? What problems did you have then? Hardly any, right? Because you had love!
You know that little thing your spouse does with their eye brow or the corner of their mouth? Remember how you used to think it was so cute? Then one day it became annoying, right? Why? Your spouse used to be thrifty and now your spouse is cheap. WHAT CHANGED? Your love changed—that's what changed! And the solution to that annoying problem (and all your problems!) is to rebuild your love.
The problem in most marriages is the way the couple (and sometimes the counselor) sees the problem. If you see your problems as the problem; that's your problem.
My solution is for them to institute a series of positive relationship habits that slowly but surely builds a new foundation for their marriage.
Fixing problems and developing communication skills can lead to small incremental changes in your marriage. But if you want to transform your marriage, if you want to make a quantum change, you have to implement a pattern of new relationship habits. You have to create love.
People get all bogged down in the negativity of trying to solve their problems. It's no fun and it's not productive. The crucial question in marriage is NOT how to solve your problems; it's how to create love.
Your problems probably seem complex. But the good news is that the solutions are simple.
Focus on building your love. That will solve ALL your problems.
written at 10:54 PM
Sunday, November 13, 2011 HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU MARRIED THE RIGHT PERSON?
MORT SAID,
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.
Falling in love with your spouse wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love…because it’s happening TO YOU.
but after a few years of marriage the euphoria of love fades. It’s the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, “Did I marry the right person?” And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.
you could felt in love you someone else.And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully) THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT’S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It’ll NEVER just happen to you. You can’t “find” LASTING love. You have to “make” it day in and day out. That’s why we have the expression “the labor of love.” Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable—you can “make” love.
It happened to my marriage i was stuck in it.Mort everyday advice help me to move on help me to know why and how two can fall in love and what should be done to strengthen the marriage.learn sometime new again today..
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.
Falling in love with your spouse wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love…because it’s happening TO YOU.
but after a few years of marriage the euphoria of love fades. It’s the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, “Did I marry the right person?” And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.
you could felt in love you someone else.And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully) THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT’S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It’ll NEVER just happen to you. You can’t “find” LASTING love. You have to “make” it day in and day out. That’s why we have the expression “the labor of love.” Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable—you can “make” love.
It happened to my marriage i was stuck in it.Mort everyday advice help me to move on help me to know why and how two can fall in love and what should be done to strengthen the marriage.learn sometime new again today..
written at 10:14 PM
Saturday, November 12, 2011 how to get your spouse to stop
mort said,
Is your spouse having an AFFAIR, hooked on PORN, addicted to DRUGS or ALCOHOL, a WORKAHOLIC, too emotionally close to an OPPOSITE SEX FRIEND, or OBSESSIVE about a hobby or activity?
How do you get your spouse to STOP behavior that’s destroying your marriage?
he said is not good to keep giving him a ultimatum.meaning its not good to tell him for example if u keep doing this or this, or i will leave you.they are doing this because they are lack of inner motivation,why set rules or border and boundries for them?setting rules and border and boundries only drive them further away.
he said In a sense, it’s empowering to think, and even say to your spouse, "Your behavior is unacceptable. And if it doesn’t stop, I’m leaving you." An ultimatum offers the ultimate role reversal. It puts you, the victim, in control. Understandably, that’s appealing. And there’s no doubt that in the SHORT RUN, you’ll FEEL better. But it also FEELS good to eat dessert after every meal. Just because something FEELS good does NOT mean it is good. The question you have to ask yourself is: Will the LONG TERM effect be good? Will an ultimatum give me the result I want? Will it lead to the renewal of my marriage?
The answer is NO.
all is needed to do is connect with them fill yourself in for them.. First, you eliminate your spouse’s desire for their destructive behavior. You take the wind right out of its sail. You cut it off at its source. They don’t need it anymore. There’s no more hole to fill. YOU filled it!
Disconnected people tend to marry disconnected people. In other words, you picked your spouse BECAUSE they’re disconnected, and that was safe and familiar for you. (Your spouse is probably like your mother or father.) You didn’t have to make a real connection to your spouse and that’s why you fell in love with them. Your spouse didn’t need what you couldn’t offer. Do you see how that worked? It’s totally dysfunctional, but it’s true.
Now don’t misunderstand, I’m not saying that your spouse’s inappropriate behavior is your fault. But it is your RESPONSIBILITY. Meaning, that you can choose (if you want) to do something about it. You can impact your spouse’s choices. But you’ll need to learn to forge a real connection with your spouse, and you’ll need to learn to do that WITHOUT your spouse’s cooperation.
my marriage is like that my husband keep giving me the ultimatum and i keep giving him the ultimatum that is one of the reason we are separated now. i learn somethin new again.if i want to renewal our marriage all this have to stop.thank you mort .
Is your spouse having an AFFAIR, hooked on PORN, addicted to DRUGS or ALCOHOL, a WORKAHOLIC, too emotionally close to an OPPOSITE SEX FRIEND, or OBSESSIVE about a hobby or activity?
How do you get your spouse to STOP behavior that’s destroying your marriage?
he said is not good to keep giving him a ultimatum.meaning its not good to tell him for example if u keep doing this or this, or i will leave you.they are doing this because they are lack of inner motivation,why set rules or border and boundries for them?setting rules and border and boundries only drive them further away.
he said In a sense, it’s empowering to think, and even say to your spouse, "Your behavior is unacceptable. And if it doesn’t stop, I’m leaving you." An ultimatum offers the ultimate role reversal. It puts you, the victim, in control. Understandably, that’s appealing. And there’s no doubt that in the SHORT RUN, you’ll FEEL better. But it also FEELS good to eat dessert after every meal. Just because something FEELS good does NOT mean it is good. The question you have to ask yourself is: Will the LONG TERM effect be good? Will an ultimatum give me the result I want? Will it lead to the renewal of my marriage?
The answer is NO.
all is needed to do is connect with them fill yourself in for them.. First, you eliminate your spouse’s desire for their destructive behavior. You take the wind right out of its sail. You cut it off at its source. They don’t need it anymore. There’s no more hole to fill. YOU filled it!
Disconnected people tend to marry disconnected people. In other words, you picked your spouse BECAUSE they’re disconnected, and that was safe and familiar for you. (Your spouse is probably like your mother or father.) You didn’t have to make a real connection to your spouse and that’s why you fell in love with them. Your spouse didn’t need what you couldn’t offer. Do you see how that worked? It’s totally dysfunctional, but it’s true.
Now don’t misunderstand, I’m not saying that your spouse’s inappropriate behavior is your fault. But it is your RESPONSIBILITY. Meaning, that you can choose (if you want) to do something about it. You can impact your spouse’s choices. But you’ll need to learn to forge a real connection with your spouse, and you’ll need to learn to do that WITHOUT your spouse’s cooperation.
my marriage is like that my husband keep giving me the ultimatum and i keep giving him the ultimatum that is one of the reason we are separated now. i learn somethin new again.if i want to renewal our marriage all this have to stop.thank you mort .
written at 1:30 PM
Thursday, November 10, 2011 mort today advice
how to increase your EQ
like mort say most people are high in IQ but low in EQ.IQ stand for INTELLECTUAL intelligent and EQ stand of emotional intelligent.IQ help you determint wat is right.. but in a success marriage you need EQ not IQ.The more you insist on being RIGHT, the more you will be miserable in your marriage. Don’t go for RIGHT; go for LOVE.EQ help you to connect to people in a relationship..so i was teach that i need to increase my EQ to make my marriage right.use more of EQ than IQ. thanks mort greatful thanks to you i learn somethin new today..
like mort say most people are high in IQ but low in EQ.IQ stand for INTELLECTUAL intelligent and EQ stand of emotional intelligent.IQ help you determint wat is right.. but in a success marriage you need EQ not IQ.The more you insist on being RIGHT, the more you will be miserable in your marriage. Don’t go for RIGHT; go for LOVE.EQ help you to connect to people in a relationship..so i was teach that i need to increase my EQ to make my marriage right.use more of EQ than IQ. thanks mort greatful thanks to you i learn somethin new today..
written at 11:36 PM
